i aint the bitch to be flashin' my tits but your little broke bling looks ridiculoussss!!!!

new year's eve playlist:
spank rock
m.i.a.
diplo
yeah yeah yeahs [pre-show your bones]
lcd soundsystem
cassie!!
nuk fam
short stories

im ready for 2007 just cause 2006 was kinda shitty.
so, in efforts to cleanse oneself of a shitty year i got rid of most text messages and some of my magnet poetry around the room.

every year, i play "the new year" by death cab for cutie cause i always feel the same. its a new year, so what does that mean? am i suppose to feel different? whateverfuckthat. yes, those are my exact thoughts every year come 12 am january 1st. well, this year, ive decided that this shit has got to stop. yeah, 2006 - fuck you.

mmm...this time around, christina cahn is trying to work on herself and her grades. shes going to try and be less angry (hah - but seriously, ive been working on it). shes trying to be a better person in general, maybe then she will be happier with herself.

werd to yo momma, fuckersss.

hey me,
cheer up kiddo. hopefully this will help.
<3,
me.

happy incidents @ barnes and noble!

what a fortunate event happened today!
i was wandering cramped aisles at the bay terrace barnes and noble and came across my old high school english teacher.
shes great. i miss her very much. she has the ability to change lives.
she went to buffalo and heeds warnings of dormatories every time she speaks to me.
shes getting married to her boyfriend on friday the 13th (what a krista a berg thing to do) and shes going to get her doctorate.

i remember her class so well. it was one of the best classes ive ever had to sit through. it was the 45 minutes in the day that would never fail to keep me interested and engaged. it was almost like home, how comfortable it became. junior year might have been the best year of my high school career. senior year was such shit.

her class brought people together and ive never missed something like i missed her lessons or herself in general. its so funny how sometimes i can just miss her. then to look back and see how things are changing and how we are growing.
each time i see her she tells me she misses my class. i tell her i miss our class too. she calls me sweetiepie.
im getting fucking old.

happy christmas

...before its over

in the spirit of christmas...

donate to the christina needs a pair of lucky jeans/new pair of dunks/sidekick3 fund.

contact: me.

une lettre

A summation:

Dearest Kyoko,

This semester went by really fast. Sometimes its hard to see how quickly we are going to be juniors, or even seniors. College is flying by. This semester was really different for me. I declared my major and took on a lot of extra curriculars. I don't regret it, but it definately made life a bit more stressful. I want to explain some things before the year ends and a new semester begins. My Kyoko, I appreciate you always being there for me. I like the fact that our friendship is different than others. There are things that we share that others don't. I'm glad that we got to know each other better this year, but I'm also sorry that some things I've done may have confused you. I never meant to make you feel like you couldn't rely on me, or that I no longer wanted to be your friend. As the semester went on I became really unhappy with myself. I was feeling unbelievably lonely because of a boy I should let go of but have yet to and my grades weren't what I wanted them to be despite studying as much as possible.

I decided to stop drinking because after it all, when I woke up the next morning, I always felt the same. Drinking didn't solve any of my problems, so I decided that I should just focus on myself for a while. I guess everyone mistook this. Drunken photos on facebook were really the least of my concerns. I felt like there were more important things in my life to concentrate on. I'm sorry if people thought that I had suddenly lost interest in them, or that I was being petty, but those were my reasons. Everything this semester has been either hectic or depressing, and I don't mean to come across as unemotional or disinterested. Sometimes I have a hard time sharing things with people, and I apologize for not telling you earlier. I want to start the new year by being a better person, for myself. I'm tired of being unhappy. I hope that you want the same things for yourself. I get worried when you drink and get upset, or when you are stressed out about things you can't help. I love you and I don't want you to die. But really, I wish you a restful and stress-free break. I'll see you when we get back.

Love,
Christina aka Chan-man

r.i.p. carl blaze

you know, i was feeling so good about hip hop today. i was on the 7 train, pulling into queensborough plaza, listening to my nas podcast with funkmaster flex, the empire state building was lit in red and green. i felt so good about the city. i had one of those moments when you get goosebumps and its great.

i come home and i turn on the radio and find out that dj carl blaze passed away this morning.
he was shot in an apartment lobby in washington heights.
i dont know, but i wanted to cry. its so surreal. you listen to the radio and you hear this person all the time, they kind of become your neighbor. someone that you are personal with despite never ever knowing them and probably never being able to meet them. then all of a sudden, theyre no longer here. its crazy.
some people have said that he is now resting in peace, with those that he admired so much, like pac and biggie.
but that cant be right. this person had so much life to live and none of those people deserved to die the way they did.
it just doesnt make sense. hip hop shouldnt be like this. right?

babymakers

holleerrrrr!!!

"you ruined christmas"

so today, while christmas shopping, i felt it.
i started to hate christmas. not a lot. just a little bit and that makes me really sad.
i havent been listening to any christmas songs as i usually would around this time, but instead, ive been avoiding them. i guess because almost all of them are about feeling lonely on what is supposed to be a joyous season.
i find myself disliking children and the parents that bring them around to see the city. hating the tourists at rockerfeller center, gazing upon a large tree. hating shopping! (of all things).
it doesnt feel like christmas at all. the weather is too warm and snow doesnt fall when its suppose to for me anymore.
life would be a whole lot simpler if it were like a charlie brown christmas special.
i can run and walk down many city blocks, but i can never hide from feeling lonely.
i guess this is why so many people hate it. almost everyone at the radio station had the same response when i asked them to do holiday carts.
i used to be excited for every holiday that had a history. i mean holidays with costumes and fat people coming down your imaginary chimney. not ones where we remember our dead uncle from war such and such and go out shopping because of massive sales.
i mean, i really got upset over things not going according to tradition or fulfilling some type of "specialness" that holidays are suppose to have somehow, like pixie dust.
you know how in cartoon specials, theres always that one character that loses faith and magically gains in back within a 45 minute holiday special? well, maybe i need something like that. i need to believe again. believe - what the fuck does that mean? whatever.

me and you and everyone we know

the first time i watched this movie i was a freshman in my first semester of college. i remember lying in bed, falling asleep to miranda july clasping john hawkes body intertwined in the branches of trees. i remember her telling the whole world to "fuck peace" in her car, writing it on her dashboard impulsively with a sharpie. i recently just saw it again on televison, but i miss it. it makes me want to write "me" and "you" on my shoes and dance.

i highly recommend this movie when youre feeling a little indie movie-ish, sad but dont want to be sappy, and when youre just in that mood.

this is me trying to sleep, while listening to sufjan stevens.

fuck y'all i'm from new york

first night back in nyc and its cherry valley and an sob.
that's the fucking life.
werd.

metal heart

dear failed relationships,

i appreciated what we have, but now, its time to let go. i dont blame you for everything and im not calling you an asshole (even though everyone seems to be thinking it). maybe the waters were just too cold, you know? i never got used to what we had, so i was too scared to actually go in the pool. but now that its gone, i sure do miss it. sometimes i cry, but dont tell anyone.

i mean it. at first i was angry, but now, im just tired. im tired of thinking about how things didnt work out. so, its not you, its me. lets stop contacting each other. no? my sorrows havent stopped you from moving on, so just let me do the same. i really did like you, but i cant hold on any longer, and theres nothing that can be done about that now. dont facebook message me saying you want to be pen pals. dont come to buffalo. dont come back to nyc. and if you do, its okay to delete my number. i wont be hurt. in fact, ive deleted you guys a long time ago. there is no need to dwell. i loved you once - perhaps secretly, forever, but i wont ever admit it.

one day, maybe we will sit and talk about your life and then about mine. how things are nice. fine. maybe listen to sufjan stevens. whatever.

- christina

"you let go and i'll let go too" - lauryn hill

dear chemistry

i fucking hate you. you were never my friend even though you pretended to be.
i hope you go to hell. i'll meet you there in a couple of years and we'll duke it out.
in the meantime, you can suck my imaginary cock.
- c chan

girls gone wild turbo

every night, when time comes round, comedy central runs girls gone wild commericals every five to ten minutes. i get a disclaimer telling me that there may be material that is not suitable for viewers under the age of 18. i watch girls in exotic locales of beaches, on vacation, spring break perhaps - flashing me their tits.
i dont want to be all preachy and feminist-y but girls ask for respect but shove their breasts in your face. girls willingly degrading themselves. i feel ashamed to be female sometimes.

so, if i had a dick, would i be that dickless?
would i actually sit around and watch girls being borderline harassed into showing me their ass or the fact that their pussy no longer has hair?
think what you want, but i downloaded it and watched it. i was mulling around some ideas about sex and gender roles for a while and i thought this might answer some questions. but after i watched it, i felt like i needed to shower because i felt very unclean. i was pretty appalled.
girls that are clearly drunk are flashing a camera for a tank top (with the girls gone wild logo on it no less). there was one scene in which there was a girl in a crowd of men chanting, "show your tits." other great scenes included girls at bars with their ass hanging out of their skirts and their tops lowered while guys groped them.

how do guys sit and watch this? im getting kinda lightheaded just thinking about it.
there was also a less popular version of ggw called "guys gone wild" which was marketed mainly for homosexual males and heterosexual females. this was pretty short lived to my knowledge. the ggw franchise has grown to include girls in all types of places and settings to suit your needs. one i find pretty great is the "first timers" edition. ive personally never seen this video, but im pretty sure they're not "first timers." dont fight me on this please.

why do women stand to be objectified that way? ive never felt the need to justify my femininity, to explain why women act the way they do or that they shouldnt be treated a certain way, but all of a sudden im really concerned about where i belong as a female. im not talking about climbing the corporate ladder or glass ceilings and such, but women and sex. why are there things i cant do but men can - from a purely logical standpoint. so, i guess i can really just boil this down to double standards.

maybe im posing too many questions. i havent thoroughly thought about this, but its something i think needs a great deal of research - which i think would be kind of fun. i mean, what could be wrong with watching porn and having sex all day?

lets make love and listen to death from above

i want to make you a map that will lead you to your place of work.
along it i want to take you to places that will show you how you make me feel.
i want to make you a map that will lead you back home.
along it i want you to see that that is my favorite time of day.
when you get home, i want to lead you to my heart and show you how much i love you.

Heavy Metal - Bisc 1

ive been listening to this song and its pretty awesome. i think its pretty strange how hip hop continues to "rep the hood" when in reality, hip hop has most definately moved beyond that. we have rappers starting shit over who can rep the hood more or who still has ties, but a line is crossed and blurred when you enter the industry. i think the whole embedded roster has got a really different feel than a lot of the music out there right now. its not as flashy, not as crazy - egotistical, more common man, which i think is a needed change sometimes. if anything, i think heavy metal is a better representation of the hood than i've heard in a while. its proof that some things dont change in the hood and something needs to be done. social conciousness is a part of that and at the very core, is what hip hop is about, or what is was. go check out embedded for more bisc 1 stuff. theres also a pretty sweet show called noho's bored that aired 10-25-06 with cool calm pete, junk science and bisc 1 up at east village radio on podcast. go peep that sheettt now.

h-o-v-a

happy birthday jay-z.
the 40/40 club is doing well i hear and so is beyonce.
i know theres been some beef going down with jim jones, but dont sweat it. i got your back.
pleaasssseeeeee. he aint got nothing on you - NOTHING.
anyways, dont get too crazy cause the new album is probably going to need a tour and def jam needs to promote NAS!
crazy shit. anyways, enjoy yourself old man.
hollerrrr.