sophomore

"sophomore so different that you're just the same
sophomore address your parents by their first name
sophomore such an ugly caricature
sophomore keep up the good effort
your father says to put your shoulder to the wheel
and you reply that his proverbs sound archaic
a skeptic, a cynic, with jurisdiction of good art
boasting you're a stoic is such a paradox
you turn all rooms into gymnasiums
be careful, your ego floods a stadium
i don't intend to become an obstacle
for every victory in this fresh struggle
everybody tells you to put your shoulder to the wheel
and you reply that they sound like your father
a skeptic, a cynic, with jurisdiction of good art
boasting you're a stoic, you've led us all lost" - Lemuria

its over sophomore. next year, you will be 21. next year, you will be a junior. next year you will need to apply to grad school (god willing). you will need to take the mcats.

today felt like a normal day for me, despite it being the last day of classes for everyone else. the bus was filled with drunk freshmen ready to celebrate. soon, i will pack away college in plastic bins to be stored away for the summer. i guess im a bit somber around this time of year because its when i look back at the entire year.

did i do all the things i wanted? all the things i should've?

when youre a sophomore, youre always in the middle. you know better than the freshman, but you aren't as mature as a junior. its something ive consistently grappled with. where do i belong? i fear always feeling like a sophomore.

im not excited to go home because it means all that ive done is done. permanent. grades, hopes, fears, friends, these two semesters - done. but i long to sleep in my own bed. smelling sheets that will always smell like me. being with the city. being in the city. being with people i care about, being comfortable in my own skin.



and it just kept growing...