siren 2007 line up !!!

village voice <3

we not dead...

...we were just on a break. i'll fill in those voids later. in the meantime:

golden skans

i thought about all the men in my life today. all the ones that i care(d) about. i thought about what they wouldve said to me in light of my educational pursuits.

my daniel from the past wouldve told me flat out i wasnt built for it. that i wouldnt've been able to make it despite how much he wanted to believe in me.

the last daniel wouldve probably never believed in me. he probably wouldnt have anything to say to me. we would hurt each other on purpose just to make sure we were human.

the daniel i have now is the optimist i could never be. no matter how many words of encouragement he gives me, they will always feel empty because he never cared enough about himself to fully care about me.

my father - despite what he says and what i think of the things he says to me, they are still my fathers words. i could never doubt why he said them or where they came from.

tom - the man whom, if i disembowelled myself, wouldnt be surprised at the things he saw, because hes seen them all already. i know he would never tell me i couldnt do it, and for that reason, he is a man that im sure i would give a vital organ for.

the only person whom i could not figure out was my grandfather. im not sure what he would say to me. maybe because ive forgotten most of the things hes said, or maybe because i was too young to remember if he was ever proud of me. i will always wonder, because he was the one person i wanted most to make proud.

Mesmerism Schesmerism

Robert Darnton - I would like to pick your brain apart.

Robert Darnton's Mesmerism and the End of the Enlightenment in France is a book about a semi-quack new age-y science during the end of the Enlightenment. Drawing parallels with the political sentiment at this time, it somehow influenced the French Revolution. Mesmerism is the bathing of the invisible fluid which surrounds us, with the ability to restore our health through magnetized poles. Quite naturally, I'm skeptical, especially of this Darnton guy. Honestly, look at what he's trying to convince us of here: some weird, hollistic, hippie (17th century hippie) elitist belief has the ability to vitalize life - AND provide the political undertones necessary for a revolution. Really, one of the biggest crocks of crap I can stand to believe, but after writing my paper on it and scouring the book for serious links between this proposterous science and the French Revolution, it seemed feasible. A little out there, but feasible. So, overall, I will say, the book is written quite well, and if you have the free time, or want to read something that is credible and intellectual - give this book a chance. I will also say that, Robert Darnton is a highly esteemed historian and can practically blow you out of the water with his accolades, both nationally and internationally.

From the beginning my Early Modern Europe history class was pretty reading intensive. I, really didn't do much of it. However, I still really enjoyed the class. I think particularly because of my professor, Jonathan Dewald. He's a distinguished professor at UB but he's not stuffy, really approachable and laid back. He was super cool about late papers and it was in his class that I really began to stay behind after class was over to converse with my professors. Although I had begun to pursue pre-med before I took his course it was after reading this book that things really began to click.

biggie, biggie, biggie, can't you see?

while watching the dj khaled video for "we takin' over" (which i happen to like very much), the first thing that came to mind was how similar it was to this:


yes, thats right, notorious b.i.g.'s "hypnotize" video.
the part where rick ross is cruising in reverse running away from whomever may be chasing him, all while rapping into the camera - yeah. totally reminded me of the biggie video. this came to me completely randomly too. nonetheless, similar themes, sequences, etc - minus the swimming mer-women in the tank.

i'm completely for the theories that:

a. biggie will never really die

b. hip hop has definate typicality

c. the cycle of hip hop is coming back (hopefully to kill off shitty music)

maybe im just seeing things?

sophomore

"sophomore so different that you're just the same
sophomore address your parents by their first name
sophomore such an ugly caricature
sophomore keep up the good effort
your father says to put your shoulder to the wheel
and you reply that his proverbs sound archaic
a skeptic, a cynic, with jurisdiction of good art
boasting you're a stoic is such a paradox
you turn all rooms into gymnasiums
be careful, your ego floods a stadium
i don't intend to become an obstacle
for every victory in this fresh struggle
everybody tells you to put your shoulder to the wheel
and you reply that they sound like your father
a skeptic, a cynic, with jurisdiction of good art
boasting you're a stoic, you've led us all lost" - Lemuria

its over sophomore. next year, you will be 21. next year, you will be a junior. next year you will need to apply to grad school (god willing). you will need to take the mcats.

today felt like a normal day for me, despite it being the last day of classes for everyone else. the bus was filled with drunk freshmen ready to celebrate. soon, i will pack away college in plastic bins to be stored away for the summer. i guess im a bit somber around this time of year because its when i look back at the entire year.

did i do all the things i wanted? all the things i should've?

when youre a sophomore, youre always in the middle. you know better than the freshman, but you aren't as mature as a junior. its something ive consistently grappled with. where do i belong? i fear always feeling like a sophomore.

im not excited to go home because it means all that ive done is done. permanent. grades, hopes, fears, friends, these two semesters - done. but i long to sleep in my own bed. smelling sheets that will always smell like me. being with the city. being in the city. being with people i care about, being comfortable in my own skin.



and it just kept growing...