you + me = nyc

this morning, after i took a shower, the breeze was good. it brushed up against me, luring me to go outside. the sun helped too. it was so inviting that spending the day with myself in the city streets was only appropriate. i took the day off from volunteering at the hospital, which i both despise and somewhat enjoy. i desperately need the hours, but from the way it looked through the windows, it seemed like i had made the right decision. i havent been doing any recreational travels into the urban island that i frequent simply because my monetary situation is nothing short of insufficient and dead. i can barely afford metrocards and/or food. i have finally held in my pride and stubborn tendencies to ask for money, (which i will hear about - i am sure of). oh the woes of being a 20 year old girl who lives in the city and loves to shop, hmm? despite knowing and wanting to purchase items of cloth, buttons, stitching and thread i bypassed it all. i drifted in and out of stores. tried on a pair of sneakers, ones i have been wanting, but for some reason didn't seem to agree with me at that moment. being at union square always makes me want to lie in the grass, have a bite and drink coffee while reading a good book. today was especially inviting because i'm reading the virgin suicides and i am well on my way to finishing it. the great flowing air made me want to wear a dress, freeing my legs from enclosing jeans, and flip flops so that my toes could wiggle in the sunlight. instead, i was wearing my grey v-neck shirt from american apparel (which i love, even if i will always disagree with the pricing of their products - such ridiculousness!) the air lifted my hair, twirling it, as if there were invisible fingers playing with childhood dolls. the fingers permeated my thin shirt and whirled dirt and dust from the streets entangling them among my being. i listened to a new flosstradamus mix i found through some blogs and the new song from the virgins on repeat. the handkerchief i tied to my bag with the polka dots and anchors flapped about in the wind and my bag grew heavy from new literature i had picked up. free little zines scattered about, in stores and street corners, in bright plastic bins. the only thing i purchased today was an espresso milkshake from think coffee bar on mercer street. its creamy blended mixture negated its price, but i took note that i was not to have it too often, as it was pricey and probably fattening as well. it lasted only a couple blocks, but provided bliss for the most part. i wasnt particularly tired, but i guess i grew weary, (which is strange) of shopping, or in actuality, window-shopping. i got back on the train to head for home. across from me on the 6 train sat a chinese couple. i stared for long moments as if no one would notice or care to think that my behavior was odd. they didnt remind me of my grandparents but of a young couple. the man had salt and pepper hair, while the woman wore pistachio green. when they spoke to each other their heads came close to each other, listening intently, but not too closely like when a secret was passed through the airwaves. they held bags full of groceries that reminded me of my grandmother because they were the same. it was picturesque to me because of its simplicity, because it was how i envisioned me and my lover. to carry on day to day in such a simple manner would make me placidly content. shopping for groceries and traveling in underground veins, connecting us to other organs of the city, bringing us home. i only hoped to live such a reverie. i read the copy of the village voice i had picked up while getting coffee. m.i.a. was on the cover and it made me even more excited for sirenfest and dancing to her music in a coney island street on a summer night. i continued onto the 7 train and as we exited the tunnel, it exposed snaking metal containers full of people traveling into queens. our release felt like an exhale of a large sigh. i thought about having sex with my boyfriend though i didnt have a large urge to be with him today. it just made me content to think of him and his tumescent exposed nature when we made love. i scanned the buildings and forms that have been etched into my mind through constant travels on the subway system. i breathed heavily because of the newly erected apartments and condos that rose to overshadow old and tired buildings surrounding it, whispering gentrification all about the words long island city. i continued my book until i arrived home.